The Certified Stalkers Club
by With-the-Wolves
Summary: The horror of Crowley deciding to change the name of the Ranger Corps and how it came to be. IT'S ALL HORACE'S FAULT!


**So I was thinking about my childhood a while ago and I started remembering fifth grade. We had this new guy in fifth grade named Zach Fountain. Who also once appeared in one of my dreams before I had ever met him, but that isn't what this author's note story is about. Basically, he always went around telling people that he was a "Certified Stalker." Eventually, more people joined in and they had a whole Certified Stalkers Club. Which inspired this fan fiction! Wooh!**

* * *

"Hey, Horace!" Will said, appearing behind his friend.

Horace jumped. "Oh my god, Will! Don't _do_ that!"

Will laughed. "But it's so fun scaring you! Anyways, how was it hanging out at the market all day?"

Horace closed his eyes. "Will, please tell me that you weren't following me all day."

Will smiled. "Well…Maybe not _all _day. But I saw some things that I really don't think Cassandra would like to hear…" He trailed off, looking at Horace meaningfully. "And I'd really hate to have to tell her."

"What did I do that would get me in trouble with her!?" Horace shouted.

"Well, I know for a fact that she did not give you any money to buy cookies at the bakery…And I don't think she'd appreciate that guy that you kind of…angered."

Horace sighed. "It wasn't my fault that he got in my way!"

"Yeah, but…He did kind of have a cart there…That some people were buying stuff from…And you really probably could have _avoided_ knocking it over. And stepping on everything. Including that poor man's dreams."

"It was an accident!" Horace glared at Will. "This is the third time that something like this has happened! Why are you constantly following me around? It isn't as if you could possibly be getting anything out of it!"

"Actually, it's good training, although it would be better if I could follow Halt around, as he's more perceptive, but…That isn't a good idea…Besides, every time I see you doing anything that you shouldn't be doing, you owe me favors." Will said.

"You are the creepiest person I have met! You shouldn't even be called a Ranger…You should be a Certified Stalker!"

Will thought about this. "But stalkers don't know how to shoot stuff."

Horace closed his eyes. "I'm not being serious, Will. I'm just saying it's creepy! I don't appreciate you abusing your powers to take advantage of me!"

"Whatever." Will said, walking away.

* * *

A few days later, Horace visited Crowley because Will was seriously getting on his nerves.

"Crowley, I have a complaint to make." Horace said. "One of your Rangers named Will Treaty has been stalking me for the past few weeks."

Crowley looked at Horace. "I think he's just messing with you."

"It's creepy!" Horace said. "It's not even like he's a Ranger. He's more like a Certified Stalker!"

"Stalkers don't know how to shoot stuff, Horace." Crowley responded.

Horace stared at the Ranger. "You could take people by surprise." He said, leaving the office.

"Yeah…" Crowley said, thinking. "Take people by surprise…"

* * *

"Horace, what the heck did you do?" Will said, running up to his friend.

"What do you mean?" Horace asked.

"Crowley is going on and on about changing our name from the Ranger Corps to The Certified Stalkers Club!" Will said. "I know you had something to do with this, Horace!"

Horace smiled. "Maybe you shouldn't have been acting like a Certified Stalker." He said. "I don't think Halt will let Crowley change the name."

"He's talking to him, but I don't know, I mean…Crowley seems pretty set on the idea." Will said, looking doubtful. "I think he might really change the name!"

"Don't worry about it. Crowley is never going to change the name; he's too…emotionally attached to it."

Will nodded. "Yeah…Yeah." He still sounded doubtful.

"Okay…Can you imagine how Halt would react if Crowley really changed the name? Crowley is not so stupid that he would risk _that_."

Will smiled. "I guess you're right. I was worrying about nothing."

* * *

"Take people by surprise?" Halt asked. "Crowley, that's crazy. Everyone will still know that we can shoot!"

"Will they?" Crowley asked. "Or will the knowledge fade with the old name?"

Halt shook his head. "Even if people do forget, what you want to change the name to is…Really stupid"

"The Certified Stalkers Club." Crowley said to himself. "I think it has a nice ring to it."

Halt closed his eyes. "Do not change the name, Crowley. It would not be smart."

"Okay. Whatever you say." Crowley said.

Halt sighed, and continued trying to persuade Crowley.

* * *

"So…here we are." Will said. "First gathering under the new name." He forced a smile.

Halt drank more coffee. He found that it kept him from murdering Crowley. "When I joined the Corps, I certainly never pictured this situation."

"Yeah. Me either." Will said.

"I don't understand why Crowley would change the name. I mean…Where did this…Certified Stalkers Club come from?" Gilan asked.

Will looked at Gilan. "Well, Horace got the name into his mind and went and told it to Crowley and Crowley loved it so…Here we are."

"Well, it sounds like it's all Horace's fault." Gilan said. "Why are we mad at Crowley?"

"He didn't have to change the name, Gilan." Halt said.

"But…Shouldn't we be equally mad at Horace. I mean…We can't do anything to Crowley, but we can certainly do stuff to Horace." Gilan said.

Will and Halt looked at each other.

"So what are we going to do?" Will asked.

"Oh, we'll think of something." Halt said.

And for the rest of the gathering, they planned a perfect revenge.

* * *

Moral: If you can be any Ranger's Apprentice character, don't be Horace


End file.
